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What to Know about PUBLIC BATHROOMS

22 Feb

Men. While almost all manly posts on this butch blog come from magazines, there are rare exceptions.  This post is one of those exceptions.  There is a hilarious and entertaining book by Thomas Fink entitled “The Man’s Book: The Essential Guide for the Modern Man” that I will be posting about over the course of the next few weeks.  Not only is the information funny, it is stuff that most people don’t write about.  For example, today’s post is that of the public bathroom: rules, etiquette and general information:

THE PUBLIC BATHROOM

There is an unstated code of conduct in men’s bathrooms that, while more instinctive than prescriptive, remains surprisingly universal.

1. Rules of Conduct:

No Pairing. Unlike women, men visit the lavatory for entirely practical reasons, and it is suspect to immediately follow a friend to the bathroom.

No Talking. Terse conversation in the bathroom can take place either before or after, but not during, use of the urinals.

No Looking. Eyes should be aimed straight ahead or down in concentration; glances toward your neighbor are very suggestive.

No Touching. Hands should be in front of you.  A bump of the elbows can be deflated by a sober apology, but without turning the head.

2. Optimal Strategy

When faced with an array of urinals to choose from, which one should you take?  The basic idea is that the distance between users should be maximized, at the same time minimizing a newcomer’s chance of getting too close. The latter makes the end-most urinals highly desirable. Never go between two men if it can be avoided.

3. Loo Man

The symbol for a man’s public bathroom is a stylized profile of a man standing with his arms down. Unlike the Mars symbol for a man (A arrow emanating from a circle and pointing northeast; believed to represent a sword and a spear) it is a pictogram: its meaning can be deduced from its shape. The male bathroom symbol differs from the female one in having broader shoulders and straight legs as opposed to a flared dress. Do not mix them up.

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